Yesterday was the 2-year anniversary of my mother’s passing. I shed a few tears at my desk thinking about my mom but pulled it together before anyone saw me. If my life were a movie, Sinead O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2 U would have started playing in the background but then it would screech to a halt. Snap out of it!
I spent the evening painting her room. It was the last bedroom that needed painted in the house. I have someone renting the room starting next weekend so I figured I better get it done before I go on vacation next week. I wish she could see the house now. All painted with new carpet. I wanted to fix the house up when she was alive, but she said to do it all “after”. I understood.
In the past two years, I’ve learned alot…about people, about experiences, and about consequences. Happiness (or sanity) is found in the mind, not anywhere else beyond that. I think it would have been easier if I returned to Maryland and plopped back into my comfort zone with all the memories out of site and out of mind. Much like how I handled her cancer diagnosis and treatment, it would take a good two hours to shift back and forth from denial to acceptance (the drive from MD to PA). Staying in PA meant I had to face it and I certainly found ways to try and forget about it. I feel I need to stay to really deal with it. Plus, having a wonderfully loving, caring, and cute boyfriend in PA isn’t so bad either. I am grateful and lucky to have him in my life.
I don’t go to church every week but I am a spiritual person. I believe there is a higher being, and he/she/it sends signals to me when I’ve been acting a fool. I definitely got some signs last summer. Two rooms that I could do without ever visiting again in my whole entire life are the Emergency Room and the Court Room. And that’s all I have to say about that (for now).
